Dawn paints the hills behind my aunt’s house gold every morning. Many days post-NYC and pre-Chicago, I cozied up before the big picture window with tea made in darkness, quiet before the Father, ready to witness again how His compassions are new every morning, how great is His faithfulness (Lamentations 3:22-23), how He sustains all things by His powerful word (Hebrews 1:3). Here it was, His faithfulness in action, the sun rising once again, the curtain of gold descending on the hills, smooth as a projector screen.
‘Cause I loved you before you knew it was love
And I saw it all, so I chose the cross
And you were the one that I was thinking of
When I rose from the grave
“Come Out of Hiding (Father’s Song)”, The Undoing, Steffany Gretzinger, Amanda Cook
I had chosen this song to anoint the day and found myself heart-pierced by this lyric. Have you ever felt frustrated by trying to receive something from Jesus that’s been really skewed by your experiences? How do you know what it’s supposed to look or feel like?! Or felt stuck or discouraged by your inability to bring about your own healing? I was right there. In the midst of wondering what it would take for this particular mountain to finally move, Holy Spirit dropped in on I saw it all.
He saw where I was.
He sees where you are.
His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
Psalm 91:4b
Immediately I recalled this picture from Psalm 91—the physicality of a shield and the way it takes blows for you. The way Jesus’ fragile human body hung between wood and iron, suspended in the sky for the prince of the air to rain down blows. The way Jesus’ beautiful, brilliant mind and fierce, tender heart suffered the psychological torment of torture and betrayal and abandonment, the way His Spirit—constantly harmonizing in song with the Father since before creation—was met with disorienting silence. Why?
Because He knew I needed something, and this was the only way to get it to me. To us.
Hallelujah
Light will chase and find us
Love is facing us again
“Oh Light”, A Light, Gungor, All Sons & Daughters
In a moment, I knew again how true it is Father makes a way for us (Isaiah 43:16) and that Jesus Himself is the way (John 14:6). It’s true that completing our own healing is an impossibility—but oh! the lengths Jesus went through to secure it Himself! To cleanse us by His blood that we could be holy enough to approach Father, that God the Spirit could dwell in us. Friends, be encouraged! He saw it all. He is determined to present you to Himself as radiant, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish (Ephesians 5:27). He is strengthening you with power through His Spirit in your inner being (Ephesians 3:16). You don’t have to know what it would look like for your Red Sea to part—only cry out for fresh mercies and He will make you new as a new dawn.
Fire and Whisper 