Incarnate

Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!And being found in appearance as Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name…

Philippians 2:6-9

What if the path to becoming like God is becoming fully human? I almost did a double-take just writing that, so foreign is the idea to our post-modern, rational, American culture where the mind reigns supreme. But—hear me out—Jesus emptied himself of Godship to become fully man, and in spending the uttermost reaches of his humanity, even unto death, returned to the throne. If he is to be taken as model, what does it look like for us to do the same?

Our first emptying needs to be that of our false self, the defenses and protectors and coping strategies we’ve built up over the course of our formative years, when our caregivers play the role of God, shaping our worlds and instructing us—for better or for worse—how to navigate those worlds. But the catch, the misunderstanding, is that we accomplish that not by harshly disciplining outward behaviors, but getting comfort and love into the places we lacked it.

We know that we can’t give away something we don’t possess. But in practice, what is held up as the Christian life is attempting to spend our energies as caricatures of God while denying our humanity, as if we could be our own source. Meanwhile, we so often fail to possess ourselves, to become incarnate, embodied, fully inhabiting the breath and space of our lungs and limbs and their limits, our need to be connected to Someone larger than ourselves.

In my coaching work, I love the release clients experience when I let them know that behaviors come from somewhere. Thoughts come from somewhere. Somewhere in our story, usually solidified in a moment of pain, we came up with belief systems and behaviors to protect us from pain and get us what we want. I guarantee it made a lot of sense at the time. This is consistently a light-bulb moment and a huge relief to clients who have been instructed that every inner movement—emotion, desire, need—is warped, their presence an attack from the enemy of our souls.

Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

Matthew 6:32

Sometimes deliverance is the way to go, absolutely; but more often than not, our hearts can get free—free of addictions and compulsions and the manipulative ways we learned to get our needs met by—wait for it—getting our needs met. Everyone has healthy needs for normal human desires like affection, acceptance instruction, play, comfort—and can lay claim to those things, all of which we already have in Father God. We’re supposed to have them. They’re a good part of how Father designed us. Experiencing, over and over again, that He knows what we need before we ask, that He’s eager to see us, hear our voice, tell us we’re significant, and give us a cuddle, is what strengthens our attachment to Him and gives us the courage to leave our old man, our false self, behind. Only then can we lay down our lives and give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, but from full, free hearts.

How?

What do you need? No, not The Thing, The Job, The Relationship, what do you really need? Love? Acceptance? Significance? Protection? If you’re finding it hard to pin down, ask yourself what that getting The Thing represents. Then ask God for it. He won’t give us stones. “Father, what do you love about me? How do I matter to you? How have you already been at work protecting me in my life?” You’re not pious by not asking for these things. You’re a human hamstringing yourself and setting yourself up to be controlled by your passions for legitimate needs.

I promise that consistently asking and receiving emotionally from the Father will loosen the hold of unhelpful behaviors. Beating yourself—physically or emotionally—never served to keep your needs or desires in check (Colossians 2:23). We were made to live in Eden (“delight”), made to eat from the Tree of Life. Complete the circle Jesus modeled for us. Embrace your needs and the satisfaction of a relationship with a Father who can meet every single one. Come back to the garden.